The Death of Music

Right off the bat, I will tell you that I am not sure where this will lead. If you are afraid, pregnant or have a history of heart disease, be forewarned.

I think preachers and various community leaders were right when the called rock and roll the devil's music back in the day. And I think, therefore, that I was born, inconveniently, in the wrong decade. My parents were born in the 1950s and they grew up on a lot of jazz and Motown and the music of that era. As a result my father has a decent collection of jazz records. Growing up for me, it was a natural choice to play an instrument, the only question was, which? Putting what I knew of music at the time, I thought the coolest instrument in the world was the saxophone. And so it was, 40 years earlier. Playing saxophone lead me to play jazz. By then, what do I find out? The popular kids are the ones that play guitar. So what? A fucking monkey could play a guitar. Admittedly not very well, but still. Some of the guitar players I know would be glad to have that monkey's talents. Imagine what you could do with a prehensile tail. But try to get a monkey to play any sort of wind instrument? Here's what you would hear: PFFFFFFFFTTTT CLANG CRASH BANG. Followed by monkey howls and possibly feces. Probably feces. Definitely feces. If I were writing this at the age of 60, I would have had so much poon back in the 50s and 60s I don't think I would have gotten it up since the age of 45. But since then, rock and roll has become the dominant musical genre. It's a genre that would seem to be on the decline from a historical standpoint as well. Consider that jazz really only started around the late 19th century, to peak in popularity in the mid to late 1950s. Consider again that rock and roll started around the time jazz peaks. Music appears to be cyclical. So hip hop starts back in the late 70s, so I give it another 10 years before something else comes along. But what? If it's cyclical, what is the next step in music. I give you evolution. Start with classical music from Europe. That's Daddy. Tribal music from Africa along with slave songs and spirituals. That's Mommy. Mommy and Daddy have a few kids. Jazz, ragtime, the blues. Here's where it gets freaky. A sort of musical Aristocrats. A young jazz has a child with ragtime called swing. Jazz also essentially pimps out its younger sister the blues. The blues runs away to Chicago and hooks up with a bad man called Electricity. They have kids called Rock and Roll, and R&B. Jazz travels around the country. It calls itself bebop in New York, and cool jazz in LA. Jazz runs into Miles Davis. Miles smiles and takes jazz and its nephew Rock and Roll and creates Fusion. Fusion spawns funk, which together with R&B spawns hip hop. After all this procreation, Daddy has almost died out, Mommy is forgotten and nearly gone, save the efforts of Alan Lomax. The blues have become inseperable from Electricity, though there are those who remember the days when they were the sweetest little thing in the South. Rock and Roll lives on, though there are those whose efforts do it more harm than good. Rock and Roll has since hooked up, as the kids would say, with hip hop, to create the retarded bastard child that is rap metal or whatever the fuck you want to call it. Its a mule. It is incapable of procreating. It is the death of the musical evolutionary chain/family tree. So where do we go from here? Do we wait for some indie band to save us from ourselves? I find that word to be completely overused these days. I understand if you recorded a demo in your garage, or made a movie for $20 using a disposable digital camera. I could consider that indie. But there is far too much media coverage these days to consider every non major studio project an indie project. If the budget has more the 5 zeros, as a soft guideline, it can't be indie. Maybe it's just me. But to the topic on hand. If music is indeed truly cyclical, someone is going to have to perform some kind of muscial Frankenstein on Daddy here. So get a piano and a violin and start writing kids.

Agricultural Revolution?

So this occured to me today driving back from getting my driver's license renewed. Coming back from Flemington into Hopewell, there's a lot of farm land and a lot of trees. For whatever reason this brought to mind an article in BusinessWeek, whose focus was actually on outsourcing and globalization, but there was a bit in there about a guy who bought an Indian tractor or something after Katrina pretty much destroyed his property. It's this big red behemoth with some ridiculous amount of horsepower for a tractor. The though that occured was whether or not technology designed to help the farmer actually helps him. Let me indulge myself and explore this. Back in the day, before the internal combustion engine, I would guess that the amount of land you can plow under is limited by the amount of land you can clear. Your ability to clear is determined by how much brute force you have at your disposal, whether its oxen or a team of horses or whatever. But you get a giant tractor and all of a sudden you can clear more land. Then you can plant a bigger crop. Then you bring more to market and you make more money. Sounds great. But hold on a minute. If everybody gets a tractor and they clear land, then there's more food on the market. People assume that this will remain the case and they have more kids. A greater population requires more housing, so maybe somebody buys some of your farmland and builds a housing development on it. Sound familiar New Jersey? So you have that lump sum, but less land and you figure you can live off that for a while and supplement your income with farming. What happens when you have a bad year? What about drought and infestation? I suppose after a certain point you sell the rest of the land and move to Florida, but I guess I just long for a simpler time. Or fewer neighbors. Take your pick.

Hippo-iPod-amus

So you know all of these toys for kids like iPup or iCat or iPet or whatever the hell they're called? And do you remember the battery powered trucks and Barbie cars that only a few kids ever actually had? Not me, by the way. What if you combined the two? Hook up an iPod or mp3 player so that there are lights that go along with the music, and a fun colored hippopotamus to wheel around in. Of course the thing would be on wheels, but there would be legs that would move with them to give it a semblance of reality. And the head can move and the mouth can open and it can say ridiculous things to you in a cartoon hippo voice.

Alternatively, you could just take an existing Hummer battery powered toy truck and equip it with the aforementioned lights and mp3 player connection and it can be the kid's very own "pimped out whip."

Jim & Mike's Bad Ass Festival... Motherfucker

So after this Beef and Beer Benefit, strangely enough for a guy who just had a quadruple bypass or something, it was decided that there will be a festival. Not only of beef and beer, but of music. Besides which, it would rake in, hopefully, some cold hard cash. Get some local vendors out, charge $5 bucks to get in, get some local music, maybe a headlining act, take a percentage of everything. It feels like Wayne's World 2.

"So who's going to be there?"

"Jim and myself. And Aerosmith. Pearl Jam. An old man fashioning a kayak out of a log."

I think it would be a good thing, but not in that Martha Stewart, insider trading sor of way. Especially in this town, where it doesn't seem like people really have anything to do or look forward to. This is really starting to seem like Wayne's World 2. But I suppose that brings me to another post and another time.

Language Suggestions

Just a few things my brother and I have been throwing around.

The word "huge" will be replaced by the word "Fuccillo"

The phrase "good call" will be replaced by the phrase "Miller Light"

The phrase "good decision" will be replaced by the phrase "Sam Adams"

Any usage questions or other suggestions can be made in the comments area.

Shag Art

Has anyone ever tried painting with carpet? I don't mean painting a wall, unless it's a mural of some sort. Although I do imagine you could use varieties of carpet to create some kind of faux finish that people seem to be crazy about these days. But legitimate art. If I painted a picture with shag carpeting for instance. Would it be any good? I suppose that's really more an indictment of my artistic skills. But given that there are multiple carpet styles, you could get various brushstroke effects. I think it has potential.

On A Separate Note

I've been thinking about this for some time now, and this will be the third time it is mentioned in public, as well as the first open invitation. My parents recently took a trip to Italy and it got me thinking. Apart from a week spent in Germany, I really haven't had a chance in my life to this point to travel in Europe. Considering the fact that I hope to be attending graduate school come next fall, I figured Summer 2007 would be an ideal time to do so. I've been trying to make a list in my head of places and things I'd like to see, but I think it better that I put this down here.

• Ireland - Not exactly sure what, although there certainly is a lot to do in my understanding
  
• England - Probably just London
• France - Probably just Paris
• Germany - Berlin, Munich
  
• Holland - Amsterdam
  
• Italy - Rome, Venice, Milan
  
• Eastern Europe? - If there's time?
  

I could see spending a few weeks to a month over there. It would be wise to just get a EuroPass and just take the train everywhere, maybe stay in hostels along the way. I haven't gotten all of this figured out just yet, as you can tell. But you know what? I am excited.

Plagiarism?

So I had this idea concerning poetry or song lyrics or both since by and large the two are interchangable. The question here is whether or not this can be considered plagiarism although I'll get to that in a minute. Unless you are really good at songwriting/poetry or just don't care there is little in the way of new ideas, new phrases and things of that sort. But what if you took lines from existing songs and poems, many of them, and combined them to form one completely new work. Albeit you'd have problems getting meters to match up, but it could be done with some patience. But could it be considered plagiarism? Personally I don't think so, because you are creating something completely new. The trick, I think, is including lines people know so they can catch on to your deceit.

Another idea along the same lines struck me this past weekend as well. You know how in Wheel of Fortune they have Before & After puzzles? What if you wrote something like that, perhaps not every word, but subjects and titles and things like that. The one that stuck in my head for whatever reason was Silver Bells Palsy.

Thoughts on the Adult Film Industry

This isn't going to be some scathing Christian right wing review of the den of sin and inequity that is this country's adult film industry. Rather, it's just a few thoughts I've collected about said industry, ridiculous as they may be. Two major points to bring up here, one a movie idea and the other a "reality" site idea.

Two movies I recently saw, although there is no cause and effect involved in this, brought about this line of thinking. Orgazmo and Boogie Nights. If you've seen them or not, I don't care, I'll not make any endorsement of them here. One thing runs through both of them, while you may be saying "Other than dealing with porn, what could these movies possibly have in common?" In both films, there is a hybrid action/porn series in development, in Boogie Nights it's the Brock Landers and Chest Rockwell series, and in Orgazmo, it's, well, Orgazmo. I bring this up to bring this up: Larry Flynt and others have made a mint off of movies that are parodies of bigger Hollywood movies. For instance, prior to the summer blockbuster The Da Vinci Code, Flynt released The Da Vinci Load, built around the premise that Da Vinci painted the Mona Lisa with his own sperm. Similarly there have been other pariodical movies such as 2001: A Big Bust Odyssey, Space Nuts, Charlie's Little Devils and Pirates, although the argument could be made that Pirates was a story in its own right, but it still plays off of the popularity of The Pirates of the Caribbean.

The point here being this: why not take the next step and do an action/porn/parody? Hollywood has even set the ball right up on the tee with the Bourne Identity, Bourne Supremacy, and whatever comes after that. The logical choice? Say it with me now. Porn Identity. A porn star loses his memory and we go from there. Besides which, I would like to see Ron Jeremy play a villain that is not a low level mobster. Just a thought.

I said there were two ideas, and indeed there are. This sprouted through the course of a conversation with Jim, so kudos to you. Apparently, the current number one minority that parents don't want their children to marry is... I'll leave you hanging for just a second. There are a slew of pornographic websites that deal with racial phobias. Here's a formula for the title. My + (type of female relative) + is + fucking + a + (minority/racial epithet). Back to the survey. A la the Family Feud's Richard Dawson/Ray Combs/Louie Anderson/Richard Karn. Number 3: Black people. Number 2: Muslims. Number 1: Atheists. Can you imagine the content of www.mydaugtherisfuckinganatheist.com? Just as a check... No there's nothing there already. Or better yet, what if the point of the website was a guy/girl going around fucking atheists? Continual use of the line "I'll make you believe in God!" I imagine. But I could see, in between a lot of moaning and what not, talk of the work of Friedrich Nietzsche. I'm not saying there would be any revelations here because, well come on, its fake. All of it. Except the sex. That's real.

Internet Memory

So I finished reading The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana, a novel by Umberto Eco. It focuses on, to give you a synopsis, a man who, after suffering a stroke, remembers nothing of his personal history, but perfectly remembers quotations from literature and poetry and encyclopedias. Through reading childhood books, comic books, school notebooks, listening to period recordings and the such, he pieces together something he calls a "paper memory," not actually his full memory, but an outline more or less. And I'll stop there. If you really care to learn how it ends, I can loan you the book. It's very good, as are Eco's other books, which I suppose I am making a recommendation for now.

Aside from that, I think I am beginning to develop something of an internet memory, especially since Google and Wikipedia have come around. I suppose that this site also serves as a piece of this pseudo-memory, allowing me to recall things I'd rather not keep in my head, whether for sake of sanity or clarity is a matter for debate. I realize that nothing on the internet is going to supplement my own personal memory, that memory of the things that I have experienced, but more so it replaces general knowledge I have accumulated over the years. I don't mean an ingrained knowledge like how to tie your shoes or how to ride a bike. At this point, that really has become more muscle memory, as I've not ridden a bike in about 6 years now, but I am confident that I still could. But rather I refer to things I've learned in school, and either never cared to commit to memory or have simply forgotten in the flood of knowledge that has come on since.

I am sure that if it really came down to it, I could write a thoroughly accurate personal history from memory, although it might require some editing and revision, not censoring mind you, in order to properly place dates and the such. Am I as confident that, provided with a syllabus for my educational history, I could write a similar history or take a test, on the spot, on these subjects? Slightly less. I begin to wonder if this is more so due to my reasonable lack of effort through about sophomore year in high school than it is to a trick of the brain.

Another though occurs: if Wikipedia kept a personal search history, as I'm sure Google does, what would mine look like? If they kept dates and subjects and that sort of thing. How often do I go back to the well on a particular topic?

A Study in 3 Parts: Part 3 - Cyborgs

So Part 3 now. Last post in this vein. Chronologically speaking, the whole cyborg thing started at another dinner with the family. Whether it was coming or going I cannot say for certain. It would have been after the Fall 2005 semester, but I remember only wearing a light jacket. Although we did have a relatively mild winter so I suppose the timing is right here. In any event, we were eating at Avanti's in Pennington, a nice little Italian place. I had gotten on the topic of this reasearch project that I had somewhat half heartedly been doing over the past semester and its possibility for continuance in the future. It is at this point that I actually have to explain what my major is to my family. I think by then both of my parents had figured this out, as they are both technically minded people, but my brother is a different story.

Allow me to provide a little background on him. He's 3 years older than I, just for reference, should you read this at any time but the present or should I forget, and went to Colgate for undergraduate. He double majored in English and German, graduated with honors, etcetera, etcetera. Smart guy, just not technically minded like our parents. To put it another way, by which I mean no disservice to him, he will be studying Welsh literature or something at the University of Wales, Aberystwyth in the fall.

So while I'm trying to explain the various functions and sevices of the biomedical engineering community, more specifically the aspects that actually interest me, he says: "So you build cyborgs?" Which I suppose is more truth than it would seem. It may indeed be where the field leads eventually, but I get ahead of myself. The cyborg concept now seems to be the method of explanation of my major to the rest of my family. Apparently someone tried to explain it to my sister this way, and so there I was, in the window booth at PJ's Pancake House in Princeton explaining biomedical engineering, by way of cyborgs and plans of dastardly dos, over two eggs, scrambled, two pancakes, two pieces of bacon and a sausage link.

Since then it has been this running inside joke between us, me and my brother, eternally connected with the secret lair concept, which I have previously fleshed out. In the course of this intertwining of ideas, this development of a super villainous syndicate of sorts, a sort of dramatis personae of evil and what not, the cyborg idea has become an army of sorts. Housed in a barracks on the other side of the island. I mean honestly, who wants there kids growing up with bionic arms and RoboCops in their faces?

A Breaking News Bulletin

So apparently Corzine and Cody and whoever else is making the decisions in New Jersey finally managed to get a budget passed. So now the state can go back to work, especially the all important casinos. This seems to be the least fun method of resolving this. Even as a resident of the state, I would find it amusing if another state, say New York or California for instance, picked up the tab for New Jersey. It's essentially what the US and the other G8 countries have been doing with consolidated African debt for years. Why Bob Geldoff feels the need to be such a prick. But for me, the funniest part would be renaming the state. What if New Jersey became, say, New New York? Personally, I'd prefer East California. Not only does it sound like a third tier university, much like Appalachian State, but there's a distinct lack of states with East in them, or West for that matter. A lot of North and South. Also, I think it would do a lot to clean up New Jersey's image. I mean California is hip, it's trendy. New Jersey is two guys from Bayonne in an El Camino. But put those two guys in say a 2007 Cadillac Escalade and it's an instant upgrade. Either that or they're extras from the Sopranos.

A Study In 3 Parts: Part 2 - Secret Lairs

So I suppose the best way to continue this series is to proceed chronologically. I suppose this was two summers ago, around mid-August. As I recall, it was a lamentation/celebration dinner for my return to RPI for my sophomore year. We were at Havana in New Hope, eating out on the deck. Somehow, we got to talking about this list that Forbes magazine had which was the top 10 or so private islands for sale. I had come across this list while reading CNN.com at work, seeing as how I can only look at spreadsheets for so many hours each day. In any event, I mentioned that at some point in life, I should like to own one of these islands, although that may prove difficult as they are generally multi-million dollar islands, to serve as my own secret lair. This phrase was accompanied by a gesture, which was intended to swat away a gnat, as we were dining outside, but was interpreted as a kind of secret signal, which has since become exactly that.

Since that fateful day, the concept of the secret lair has evolved in my mind. It is no longer necessarily located on a private island, although it is not unappreciated. I suppose there are two ways to look at this, given the overall theme of this series. One view being that of super villain usefulness and the other being that of a pragmatist. It's like Frosted Mini-Wheats! The Secret Island Lair appeals to both the super villain in me and the pragmatist in me! First off, super villain usefulness.

I think one of the primary features needed would be a volcano, preferably dormant. This way one could make use of the geothermal vents to provide both heat, depending on the location of said island, and power. Besides which, I could carve my face into the side of a volcano, and who doesn't want that? Secondly, the island should lie far enough out that I could safely secede from any country and declare myself a sovereign power. This brings us to a question. Which do I like better? Emperor Ranbom, King Michael the First, or perharps, the dark horse, General Ranbom? The fascination with the latter being that I could go the Idi Amin route and award myself all kinds of crazy medals... impressive for parades and such but otherwise useless. I suppose it keeps the rabble distracted by shiny things though. Then you have your super villain amenities. Your helicopter/jet pad, submarine dock, laboratory, scheming/conference room, play room (for the kids) and whatever else can fit on the island. Of course, I would need enough room to house and outfit my cyborg army and henchmen (Part 3) which would probably be on the other side of the island, or compound as we like to say. The island would also need some sort of laser defense system, a protective reef and, for good measure, sharks. That's about all I've got for the super villain in me.

As for the more practical voice inside of me, I think the secret lair doesn't so much involve an island anymore. I mean don't get me wrong, I'd love a private island, but I'd be just as happy otherwise. What it boils down to for this more than half of me is this: secret passages and rooms. It's all architechture. You look at older houses, and I don't mean 1950's ranch style one story houses in the suburbs, but really older houses, and a lot of them, at least from Civil War era in the North, have secret passages to hide runaway slaves as part of the Underground Railroad. Even some houses that weren't part of the Underground Railroad have doors that are seamed so that they just look like part of the wall. But I'm thinking beyond this. I'm thinking revolving bookcases and fireplaces, hidden staircases, and things of that nature. The sort of thing that you'd see in movies. Where the trigger would be a bust of George Bernard Shaw or a leatherbound copy of a Dickens' work or perhaps a collection of Shakesperean sonnets. I like the way that sets up because it forces me to have nice things. I mean if I had a leatherbound copy Bleak House on a shelf with copies of Larry the Cable Guy's autobiography or whatever the hell that is and Dirty Jokes and Beer, wouldn't it be kind of obvious? Likewise if I had a bust of George Bernard Shaw next to my collection of NASCAR collector's plates, is it a dead giveaway? So picture the Morgan library, prior to renevation. By the way, I'm kind of disappointed about that. I mean yeah it's uncomfortable, but that was stylish. Still is in my book, although my book contains things like hats, the three piece suit, mourning coats and spats for what it's worth. I digress. I think at one point I had planned where these passages would go. If I recall correctly, I had wanted the house/estate/ to have a courtyard directly in the middle of it, which, at a glance, would not be accessible at all. No visible doors or anything. But with a secret passage and a sliding stone wall, you're in. I want a hidden staircase to lead to a wine cellar, possibly a humidor as well. Finally, I'd like a passage from an office/library into a secret room, a sort of sanctum sanctorum, a place to get away from the kids, or from the wife. Guys, you know what I mean (read with a wink and a nudge to the ribs).

A Study In 3 Parts: Part 1 - The Current State of Super Villainy

So I guess over the course of the last few years, I've become more and more intrigued by comic books, particularly as properties are brought into the major media scene. As almost anyone can tell you, a comic book requires both hero and villain, or better yet, super villain. For the past few days, I've wondered who, if anyone, could be considered a super villain in the world we live in. What constitutes a super villain, in the DC/Marvel sense of the term? Wikipedia has this to say:

• A desire to commit spectacular crimes and/or rule the world—or in some cases an entire universe—through whatever means necessary.
• A generally irritable and spiteful disposition and contempt for heroes, ordinary civilians, lackeys, and anyone else who may get in their way.
• A sadistic nature and tendency to revel in their sociopathic behavior and/or supposed intellectual superiority
• An enemy or group of enemies that he or she repeatedly fights.
• A desire for revenge against said enemies. The method of revenge often goes beyond simply killing them to making them suffer before death, such as using deathtraps.

I think that's fair. It has since occurred to me that there are really only two viable candidates: Osama bin Laden and Kim Jong-Il (particularly if there is any merit to his depiction in Team America: World Police). Think about it. Kim Jong-Il has this sort of Dr. Doom thing going on, except without all of that maniacal genius baggage. OK, well maybe the maniacal part. bin Laden, at least from the point of view of an American, and I would imagine from most other coalition citizens, just seems to be pure evil. And a jackass, but that's kind of beside the point. But I think in order for these two to acheive super villainhood, they need a foil, more commonly referred to as a superhero. I mean Captain America was created to take on the Nazis, albeit fictionally. If nothing else the other side needs a figurehead, a rallying point. As far as I know no such person exists, although if we take a page from the conspiracy theorists' playbook we could postulate that there is some clandestine government program that is implanting alien technology stolen from the Roswell crash into soldiers by use of flu shots. Either that or injecting them with some sort of super soldier serum. I don't know and I don't particularly care.

Still I find it hard to believe that given all of the people in the world, not one is crazy enough to at least make an attempt at being a superhero. You know, cape, tights, mask, who knows? Furthermore, I'm surprised that there's no one operating under the radar more so, someone who isn't a head of state or an international terrorist. It was brought to my attention recently, that Stan Lee made a remark about how taking over the world isn't a crime. You can't get arrested for it, can you? It's just ambitious.

I suppose you may be wondering, saying to yourself, "Where is the idea in all of this? What is this fascination with super villainy?" And these are valid questions. The fact of the matter is that there is no idea to get to, at least not right now. Notice that this is a study in 3 parts. 3. 1. 2. 3. Tres (Spanish), drei (German), trois (French), tatu (Swahili). This is only part one. The ideas will be covered, as best as I can distill thoughts through a $20 keyboard. The fascination with super villany is simply this: the lifestyle intrigues me. Not so much the killing of innocents and insane attempts to either take over the world or crush my enemies, or maybe both. But the lifestyle itself. The great thing is that the majority of the super villains, I'm talking the ones behind the scenes, like Lex Luthor and Kingpin and those guys, all live the life. They have penthouses and mansions and private cars and girl Fridays. Everything. James Bond villains are a prime example. Those guys have some swanky stuff. And the women, my God! Although I'd be hesitant about that, as they always seem to be wooed by the dashing and handsome secret agent. If I could live the life of a super villain, without all the villainy, you know what that would be? Just plain super.

Coming up in parts 2 & 3: Cyborg Armies and Secret Lairs

Behold the Power of Rock and Roll

You know what the problem with today's bands is? They don't rock nearly hard enough. Prime example: the video for 80's supergroup Damn Yankees hit "High Enough". Ted Nugent deflects bullets with a guitar solo. I wonder how many bands we could break up by getting their guitarists to attempt this little stunt. Number 1 on the list: Nickelback. Actually, we might as well just shoot the other members while we're at it.

Career Plans

So barring my finding gainful employment with a biomedical engineering degree, two actually should I actually manage to get into graduate school, I think I have enough entrepreneurial ideas to choke a small to medium sized horse, or if you prefer, a large pony. A couple more of them to throw on to the pile after a night out. So Jim and I went to Applebee's, which contrary to prior sources apparently does not microwave all of their food, although I'm still not completely sold. Apparently Annie works there, so Applebee's becomes one of those places to go to commiserate about how many people we know work in places like that, although its still early for Annie.

In any event, we got to talking about service and restaurants. According to my parents, service in restaurants is almost like no service at all, whether they're either letting you enjoy your meal or are just too good to actual see if you need anything is up to debate. Jim says that he likes when you don't even have to ask and they just show up, mainly at Asian restaurants, like ninjas. It dawns on me: what if you had a restaurant where all of the waiters were ninjas? How great would that be? If they toss a smoke bomb at your table, put your food down and leave. When the smoke clears, its as though your food has magically appeared. Its both food and entertainment.

Apparently, there is an actual company that supplies all of the useless shit that gets thrown on walls in places like Applebee's, TGI Friday's, Bennigan's and other establishments like that. I always figured they just showed up at the ends of flea markets and just threw everything in the back of a truck. But according to the map at Applebee's, there are over 1700 locations nationwide, with more opening all the time I would imagine. Additionally, there are probably expansions and turnover, so add that in. If there is one supplier of useless crap, those guys have got to be making a mint. Figure there's at least 5 major chains that throw useless shit on the wall. Thats 8500 restaurants needing enough crap to throw around however many square feet. Serious bank. So how does one such as myself get into the useless shit business? I figure I need to start stockpiling useless shit, undercutting competitors, and pretty much play like Wal-Mart until I can buy out said competitors and own the useless shit landscape.

So add that onto whatever else I've got.